Maybe writing this post in the midst of a rough day isn't the smartest thing to do... but I need to vent. I'm a Mom on the edge. I'm not going to go all Andrea Yates or anything, but I have to admit that this is probably the hardest time of my life so far. I like to think that some day I'll look back on these days and realize that it really wasn't all that bad, but right now I can't convince myself that this is so much fun. Both of my kids are sick so that means that they are super cranky. As soon as I can console one, the other begins to cry. Lincoln is starting to get into EVERYTHING and doesn't seem to understand the word "No!" In fact, I think that he thinks I'm trying to teach him a word because he always just repeats it right back to me! :) *sigh*
I feel like I'm stuck in the movie Groundhog Day. Every day I wake up to do the exact same thing... which means that, for some reason, I'm never able to get myself ready before about 1:00 everyday... that is if both of the kids nap at the same time. And, if that happens, I'm usually so exhausted that I just want to take a nap. I want to get out and go do things, but usually can't coordinate sleeping/feeding schedules. And most of the time if I go anywhere, I usually feel like it wasn't worth all of the effort and stress it caused me. I see people with a lot more kids than me and I seriouslly cannot comprehend how they manage it all. I have two and I sometimes feel like I'm in the circus because I'm trying to do so many things at once.
Now to the point of this post. I find myself wishing that time would flash forward to a year from now. I seem to think that things will be so much easier - Amelia will be walking, Lincoln will be able to tell me what he wants, needs, or what hurts, Lincoln could potentially be out of diapers, and Amelia will be big enough to really play with Lincoln. Who knows, maybe in a year from now I'll wish that another year has passed. My problem is that I hate to be wishing the time away. I'm generally such a "in the moment" kind of girl. I love to appreciate where I am right now... and sort of take it all in. I know that this time in my life is such a precious time. I will never again have babies and I REALLY want to enjoy them and relax a little. I find it hard to do right now, but I'm definitely trying to work on it. For now, I'll just apologize to everyone, especially my beautiful little kiddos, that has to have any sort of contact with me. I'm tired, cranky, whiney, and mean. Please forgive me... I'm working on it! :)
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6 comments:
Oh my girlfriend... I'm so sorry you are having a rough day... days... week. Hang in there! The way I look at it, if things are so bad, they can ONLY get better right? I hope you have a sweeter day today! Thinking of you!
Wow. I can only imagine adding another kid to the mix and seeing what happens but I hope that things calm down a bit and for the time being if it's too much to go out places there is nothing wrong with staying home where things can be handled better. I guess that's what I do when just my only one would give me a hard time. But I do remember wanting a year to pass by so Cody would sleep. It will get better. Things always seem worse when the kids get sick or at night time. hang in there and don't be afraid to ask my Mom for help.
We all have those days that we wonder what we got ourselves into. Sometimes it is with kids, jobs, husbands, family, whatever; but we still just think it sucks. That's okay! It will pass when everyone is healthier, happier, and older. I have done the same wishing as you sometimes. It's okay to wallow in the suckiness as long as it has an end. That's the important part- there is an end. We love you and I think that games next week will help to cure this...it always helps me to kick some butt!
Hi,
I am Chanda's sister-in-law, and a friend of Autumn and your husband. (I meet you once at Autumn's baby shower) But anyways, I came across your blog and thought I would make a comment, if you don't mind. I can totally relate to this post. I was in the same situation and to make matters worse, my husband was always working and never home to help!! My kids at the time were 6a 16 months, and a very very fussy colicy newborn (who I thought would never smile because he was so unhappy). I had days were I locked myself in my bedroom and cried cause I couldn't handle it. I was rough....but let me say it goes by so fast. I look back now and my youngest is 4 and I can hardly remember how stressed I was and how hard it was. (I mean I still remember and I don't want anymore kids) I remember thinking the only thing I was looking forward to was when they would all start school and I would have a moments peace without kids! And that has finally come and I find myself missing them being young, time went by to fast. Just don't be afriad to ask for help and try to put yourself 1st before the kids once in a while. I will get better with time I promise and speak from experience!
Mandi
Hi Krystal,
This is Kristi-Rendi's sister-you have such a cute blog and I am shamelessly nosy, so I'll leave a comment while I'm here :-)
Just remember that this to shall pass, the kids outgrow the crying stages and getting into everything and it's okay to complain. Don't worry about getting out of the house right now by 10am or even having your makeup done by noon! Give yourself some grace, and remember to take time for yourself!! If that means finding another mom to swap babysitting with, getting Grandma to watch the kids or hitting Target for a 10pm shop while hubby watches the kids, getting time away is your best tool for dealing with two young, demanding kids!! This time will go by so fast.
Feel free to browse my blog too.....
Oh my dear, don't get down on yourself and wish time away. I know its hard in the humdrum days doing the same thing over and over, but when its over you will crave to have it back. The kids are there with you and you know they are safe. Right now you don't have to worry if they are making the right friends, or staying away from drugs/drinking, you don't have to watch them drive away in a car for the first time wondering if they will be okay. I wish I could say it gets easier but you find different things to worry about. Just enjoy each moment as you live it and thank God for blessing you with such a wonderful family. I love you and your a great Mommy. Keep up the great work!
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